Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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