The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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