Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
