i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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