it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I want a musical about memes.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
