Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
