they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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