She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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