if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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