Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
