Soap is not a condiment
its not stalking. its research.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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