What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Houston, we have a blender
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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