It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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