Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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