Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
