Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
