You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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