i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
