Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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