Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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