Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
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Do I have a choice?
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DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
