i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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