My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize