you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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