I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
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Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
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Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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