im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
