I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
