Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
