I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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