So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
