is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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