So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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