I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
