when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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