Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
