i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
