I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Are we in a gay sports bar?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
