Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
