i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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