I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
