I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
