another moral hangover. fuck.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
