OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
