omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
