I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
