I was born with a shot glass in my hand
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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