Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just found puke in my bra..
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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