From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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