hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
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If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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