So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
