My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
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