so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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