she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
