fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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