Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You ruined the universe
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
