Someone shit on the floor
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
