went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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