I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
