I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
