Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
