I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
