I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
