people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
