Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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