well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
